


Intruder: making a clean sweep

by tsukinotsurugi (forgetfulAmoeba)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cleaning, Crack, Domestic, M/M, bottomerwinweek2020, broomverse, some light restraint involved, with apologies to the audience mostly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2020-06-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:26:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24748309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forgetfulAmoeba/pseuds/tsukinotsurugi
Summary: Levi helps Erwin find out what he's really into?(Some sort of extension of the eruri broomverse series...)Chaotic crack fic for bottomerwinweek2020
Relationships: Levi/Erwin Smith
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	Intruder: making a clean sweep

**Author's Note:**

> This was a self-indulgent piece of bad writing that was not intended to see the light of day, except that I realised that it would fit into a few themes of bottom erwin week (domestic and first time maybe? ;), and the broomverse of course, and I decided at a very late stage to try and brush the burrs off and give it a crank up, so please be gentle! ;s
> 
> Part of the [eruri broomverse](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Broomverse) which I would have to say is required reading for the context XD, a sequel of sorts I guess, I am hoping that this slots in well enough (bar a few inconsistencies xp) to what's already come before...
> 
> I also apologise for the inconsistent and abrupt change of styles :P

"Kenny! I'd thank you for not tracking all that muck into my house every time you come by! Can you not wipe your feet on the doormat for once?" Kuchel exclaimed, shaking her head and making disapproving noises as she came out of the kitchen to the sound of Kenny letting himself into the house.

"Hey Kuchel, good to see you too!" Kenny responded cheerfully, going for blatantly oblivious as he tipped his hat and continued into the living room, unconcerned about the mess he was leaving behind. He looked around the quiet, unoccupied room.

"Where's the runt?" he asked.

"Out with friends I think, something about a birthday surprise," Kuchel replied as she sighed and moved to action, heading down the hallway towards the broom closet. "And you two would get along better if you stopped calling him that, you know," her voice drifted back. ("Where's the fun in that?" Kenny snorted.)

"Oh," she paused quizzically on opening the closet door, looking around at the contents of the room and then studying them more carefully. "Where's that new broom? I swear it was here the last time I looked."

"What? Is it a special one?" Kenny called out from where he'd plopped himself on the sofa, having made himself at home. He picked up the TV remote and started flicking through the channels.

"No no, just the one I had in spare for when this old one finally bites the dust," she answered back as she pulled out said broom along with a dustpan. Shutting the closet door, she went back to the entranceway and started sweeping up the crumbs of dirt. 

"Maybe the runt took it. You should ask him. By the way, got anything to drink?" asked Kenny distractedly, having settled on the match of the day.

"But why would he?" Kuchel wondered while she worked. "Anyway, I don't think he was planning to be out this long. I'm going to send him a text to see how he's doing as well. And I can make you a cup of tea if you want," she said as she stuck her head into the living room, having finished up, before she made her way to the kitchen with the now filled dustpan.

Kenny made a face. "Thanks, but I'll pass."

A few minutes later Kuchel came back out again to the living room, holding her phone, looking even more puzzled than before.

"He says he took it with him and he'll get me a new one. Also that he thinks he'll be out for the rest of the day, and not to keep dinner for him. But why would he need a broom to go to a birthday party?"

Kenny shrugged. "Maybe they broke theirs? Fuck knows, your weirdo son's a cleaner freak than you, maybe his idea of a surprise is to wow them with his cleaning techniques."

-~-~-

Levi sneezed twice, loudly, and rubbed at his nose through the bandana. "Dammit, I hope someone's not talking shit about me," he muttered from the side of the bed, broom in hand. "You're not, are you, Erwin?" questioned Levi as he walked towards him menacingly and, fortunately for the other man, shooting merely metaphorical daggers.

"No, Levi..." Erwin whimpered, unable to move away, tied up as he was, in his underwear (meaning that he was restrained, with proper ties, barely decent, and not that his underwear was particularly fascinating), to the chair that had now been brought up to the bedroom.

"Don't you dare complain, Smith. You really are a dirty fucker," Levi growled, brandishing the broom at him, bristles quivering in the air to emphasise his point, before turning back to the bed and giving it his full attention instead as he shoved the implement under it.

"I am absolutely not taking this any further without giving this room a proper clean. Have you seen the amount of dustballs under your bed? I am not fucking having shenanigans in a room this filthy."

"No, but..." This was not the scene that Erwin had signed up for. But rather than the false start they had earlier in the early hours of the morning, this time it was asked for and negotiated properly.

It had also started out well enough and according to the details that Levi had explained of what he was supposed to have been doing the first time round with the rightful ~~victim~~ recipient who was not supposed to have been Erwin. But then, after Levi had tied his hands behind the chair, he'd stepped back onto a dust bunny that had drifted out from under the bed, and all hell broke loose. Levi shrieked at a pitch that Erwin did not believe a man who had achieved manhood would have been able to achieve, and faster than you could say "my neighbour Totoro", whipped out another bandana and tied it over his hair and set the broom to its original purpose, engaging in a full-scale cleaning spree with Erwin still haplessly tied to the chair.

Erwin squirmed, trying to get some circulation back into his arms as he watched Levi, who was now on all fours as he vigorously worked the broom under the bed. He could not help noticing, after he'd taken in the fine rear profile of course, that Levi was moving with a sort of grace that someone in such an awkward position should not have been able to muster. Perhaps it was the benefit of his height (or lack of it), but he certainly had the flex, and the reach. Erwin could only admire the ease with which he poked at the far corners, getting the dust out.

And admiration turned into something else, and he started feeling uncomfortable for another reason altogether. It was by no means meant to be a titillating scene, but Erwin was starting to get turned on by it. Embarrassment warred with excitement, warred with confusion. Erwin shut his eyes, but even so the sounds of the broom clacking against the bed and swishing on the floor provided the backdrop for his imagination to fill in the blanks. He was damned either way. But Levi was providing too good a performance to miss, so he opened his eyes again.

He shifted around, trying to ease the pressure and groaned softly, his cheeks (and other unmentionable parts) flushed as he tried miserably to will away his body's reaction to the sight in front of him but failed.

Apparently he had not been as quiet as he hoped because Levi snapped, "I'm doing all the work here so you can jolly well sit there and watch. You're not- ...fuck," Levi had turned around on his knees to tell the other man off properly and stuttered to a halt when his eyes landed on the unmistakable bulge. He looked up into Erwin's face, his eyes narrowed.

"I... can explain," Erwin tried weakly, into the tense atmosphere, as dust motes danced brightly in the air.

"I hope it was my ass you were admiring," Levi retorted pointedly, "otherwise you're into weirder shit than I thought." The silence extended into the middle distance and reached its inevitable conclusion as Levi's eyes blew wide.

"Fucking hell, you're really into weird shit."

"I'm not," Erwin blustered, hoping to pull together whatever composure he might still have left over the mortification of the discovery of his unexpected fetish. He blurted out the next thing that came into his head, "I'm just really into you."

Oh hell. Was that worse? Was he crashing headlong into a relationship that he hadn't even considered before this, let alone was prepared for, just because he couldn't admit that he might have a thing for a well executed cleaning job? Or had he run that particular ship aground before it had a chance to set sail in classic foot-in-mouth fashion? Well, certainly he was well and truly fucked (metaphorically), if Levi's reaction was anything to go by.

The man's face could be seen going through a sequence not too dissimilar to the seven stages of grief, except that there was no death involved: the initial shock dissolving into a frown, brows drawn together and eyes narrowed again, this time like he was trying to determine if he was being made fun of, to finally settling on an expression of fierce _and_ determined. Erwin gulped. Maybe there was going to be a death after all. 

This was it. Erwin wondered how best to prepare for his demise as Levi got up and picked his knife up from where he’d left it on the bed at the start and came over. He didn't have a leg to stand on in his current position, having just admitted his complete and utter sexual deviancy and attraction to a man wielding a broom and now a knife (although granted, he'd already exposed his sexual deviancy to the same man wielding a broom and knife _on_ him, but it wasn't quite the same thing, was it?), and Erwin decided, having thoroughly humiliated himself, that quietly was probably the best way to go. He closed his eyes and waited for the figurative and literal blade to fall. But nothing happened, and he opened them again cautiously to see Levi still looming over him, watching him intently as he thumbed the edge of the knife and grinned wolfishly.

"You know, I think I could work with that."

-~-~-

Later, over their second cup of coffee and tea together, Levi talked about how he came to being so skilled in the art of dirt removal.

"My mom of course, and no thanks to my fuckingly filthy uncle who gives her more than enough to do when he drops by."

It ended up being a full workout of a session: the bedknobs of Erwin's bed had never gleamed so brightly as under Levi's care; and Erwin, let's just say poor Erwin exercised muscles in places he didn't know he had muscles and might have made a localised mess. He was showered and dressed now in fresh clothes, and while Levi declined the use of a shower, having nothing to change into himself, he took the opportunity to freshen up a little as well. Levi had accepted Erwin's invitation to a simple homecooked meal of pasta, but that meal was long over and currently they were well into their post-dinner beverages.

"But also, Mom got very sick when I was younger and... I cleaned, I guess. She's all right now, but it's a hard habit to break."

Erwin nodded sympathetically, touched that the other man would share such a personal piece of information with him. There was one more thing he was curious about though.

"What about your knife skills?"

Levi grinned. "That's from my criminal lifestyle."

Erwin blanched, which caused Levi to huff out a laugh.

"Not really, I work in an outdoor supplies shop, and I like to know what I'm talking about. Although Uncle Kenny would have given me a pointer or two on those things, being a bit of a knife enthusiast himself. But I do like going out into the wilderness myself on the odd trek, get away from people, do the whole survival thing. It's a blast."

They continued the easy banter back and forth, but the air hung heavy between them with unspoken words. Levi politely made no mention of Erwin's, ahem, predilections, and Erwin could not get over the awkwardness of the subject to suggest that he would like to see Levi again. And as the evening drew to a close and there was no excuse for Levi to stay any longer, Erwin had to satisfy himself that this was a once-off encounter and that he probably blew his chances out of the water with the embarrassing show he made of himself earlier anyway.

But at the door, Levi stalled, unusually tongue tied.

"You know, we haven't got off to the best of starts but, if, I don't know, you'd like to do this again sometime, I, um, I'd be willing, if you want to?"

And Erwin broke out in a broad smile. "I'd like that very much."

~fin~

~~And the next week, Levi shows up in a blue jumpsuit complete with cleaning caddy and Erwin nearly dies of a nosebleed~~

Also:

Kenny sneezed. "Who's talking shit about me now?"

**Author's Note:**

> Please don't shoot me XD


End file.
